Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Writing...or not.

The other day, I posted a comment on a fellow author's Facebook page (her personal page) about how I wished I had her productivity level -- she's been writing for years and is still publishing things she wrote as far back as 2010, not to mention is always working on something new. As the discussion went on, I mentioned that a recurring problem I experience are periods where I really want to write (because the writing goes on in my head all the time) but just can't bring myself to do it. I just don't feel up to it, or just don't feel it. I said there have been times I have even opened up a file intending to work on something, but once the pages were in front of me, I just couldn't do it.

I'm not entirely certain why this happens, but I have my suspicions. After all, I suffer from occasional bouts of depression. I also suffer from anxiety, and like everyone else who works, I suffer from job-related stress. There's also stress going on in my personal life, either created by myself due to a general sense of unhappiness with my life, or because I am at odds with my dad, whom I currently reside with.

The friend I was talking to said to me (meaning well) that if I didn't have time to write when my life was hectic, then I wouldn't be able to do it if I had all the time in the world (these are not her exact words, but the general meaning). At first this didn't quite make sense to me, because my problem really isn't time management. I have no real problem making/setting aside time to write. So I let it go. But after thinking about it, I began to see that she's not entirely right. So I discussed the matter with another friend, who said that she could see where the first friend was coming from. The second friend I spoke to said that some of the best known writers admitted to creating some of their best works during dark or tumultuous times in their lives. 

Okay, sure... but that's not me. That's just not how I work. When I am greatly depressed or angry or stressed out, I could have ideas popping into my head every second, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be able to get any writing done. I just don't work that way -- or rather, my brain doesn't. I can't bring myself to be creative when I am emotionally or even physically drained. This is something the second friend acknowledged. She said that she knows that everyone's creative process is different, and that not everyone is going to feel like being creative when things are not even in their lives. She noted that she's aware of my being unhappy with certain aspects of my life and how that could lead to me just not feeling like working on a story no matter how much I might want to.

The odd thing is, having had these conversations, I've been feeling somewhat more energized in regard to my writing. Over two sessions I wrote nearly 4,000 words. I'm planning on getting more written over the next few days. I don't know if this is me recognizing that one or both of my friends is right, or if it's me trying to prove one or both of them wrong. I'm just glad that I'm being productive. That's what really matters.

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